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Reflections on being a survivor………………..

I am feeling rather reflective today.  As I write this post Tucker is not at home.  He is, in fact, at a memorial in Rockledge for a friend’s Mom.

Tucker was a senior at Viera High the year we fought cancer.  He has a good friend Jess, whose Mom was also diagnosed with cancer that year.  She had been diagnosed with colon cancer.  I don’t think the boys realized it but the common bond of the cancer diagnosis of their respective Mom’s, brought them closer.  I don’t think they actually talked about it much at all but I do think it was just understood between them.  They were experiencing some similar things.

Tucker told me last weekend that he had this memorial to go to.  I asked him if he wanted me to go with him today, he said no.  I did not know Jess’ Mom but yet I did.  I know she wanted to survive her cancer, attend weddings, hold her grandchildren.  She wanted to celebrate 50 years of marriage with her husband, go to the beach again.  She wanted to dance, sing and love those around her.

I like to think I am always grateful and thankful for everything.  Today I realize I am NOT!  I sometimes gripe about where I live, my small house etc.  I guarantee Jess’ Mom would trade places with me today, in a heartbeat.  Just to have one more day………..

So, I have asked God forgiveness today for my ungrateful attitude at times.  God wants us to thank him for EVERYTHING.  It is a balancing act to strive for more and to be better and remain grateful for RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!  I pray I can obtain and retain that “sweet spot”.

Dear God  Be with Jess and his family today as they reflect on the life of their love one.  Help them to draw close to you and to love one another.  Thank you for your infinite love and mercy to all of us.  It is new each and everyday!!

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Words of WISDOM :)

Believe while others are doubting

Plan while others are playing

Study while others are sleeping

Decide while others are delaying

Prepare while others are daydreaming

Begin while others are procrastinating

Work while others are wishing

Save while others are wasting

Listen while others are talking

Smile while others are pouting

Command while others are criticizing

Persist while others are quitting

NEVER SETTLE for the path of least resistance

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How To Tell If Somebody Loves You

How To Tell If Somebody Loves You

JUL. 5, 2011

Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!

Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.

Cancer is a great clarify-er, it really helped me figure out who really loved me.  The good guys from the bad guys.  Especially since my antenna were obviously broken…………….  Dawn  

Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.

Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.

Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.

Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment.  Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.

Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention. TC mark


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I am sworn to Carry YOUR Burdens……………. :)

In our house, on any given day, someone is probably playing a video game SKYRIM.  I do not play but I do listen/hear the game being played.  There is a character named Lydia who is a helper that you gain at some juncture in the game.  She has the armor and protective clothing that your character gives her.  She attends to every adventure/quest that your character goes on. If you get into a battle, without so much as a word, she will join and help you in that endeavor.  She will carry anything that you give her…….and she repeats the line ” I am sworn to carry your burdens” continuously as you are helped by her.

Lydia sometimes gets in the way but her intention is always to help.  She also says throughout the game that she has your back.  And she means it.  It does not matter what you are doing, Lydia’s is there, helping as best she can with whatever power/armor that you have given her.  She is the epitome of a friend/helper.  She never questions what you are doing.  She waits for your cue and then she is instantly all in for the effort to help you.

I have been married twice before.  Once for 22 years and briefly for 6 months when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I had been told by previous spouses that they had my back.  In the end, they did not.  When the chips were down, I turned around and found myself quite alone and without ANY help.

While John and I were writing our vows recently, we joked about saying:  “I am sworn to carry your burdens” as our wedding vows.  But quite simplistically, that is what marriage vows are about.  Carrying one another burdens.  That is where the better, worse, sick, health, riches and poverty part come in.  Whatever burdens or concerns your spouse should be your burden as well.  I am so blessed to have a husband who has proven time and again that he is sworn to carry my burdens and he does have my back.  I have also had the opportunity to reciprocate, over the past 2 years.  It is with this in mind that we wrote vows and promised to continue to love, respect and help one another………come what may!!  We are sworn to carry one another burdens………!!  Yes we are!


 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.